The regret never came, though.
I now wake up each morning to face in the mirror proof of my personal strength, an ability to stay peaceful in times of duress, an intimate awareness of my flaws and weaknesses, and an abiding loyalty to my independence and passions.
Funny thing is, I saw this day coming all along.
I’ve had a lot of strong instincts lately. My mind and heart and body have all joined forces to say, “Yes, keep going, this is the way!” It’s been so loud that it’s irrefutable and intimidating. How can a person intimidate one’s self? Not sure but trust me: you do not want to get into a fight with a trio this strong.
Still, I hesitated.
What did I do? I got a tarot card reading.
I don’t “believe” in tarot cards. I know a lot about divination from a college curiosity, but it never stuck. Tarot cards, astrology and numerology are just a way to outsource your hopes and fears for third-party validation. You really can’t tell people what they don’t already know and this reading was just a glaring reminder of it.
Before going in, I thought: “I know my future is bright, I know I have some big decisions to make, I know I have a lot of hard work ahead of me and I know I’m talented.” Just like I knew that “big scary decision” I made in 2008 was for the best. Still, I did not fully trust myself.
I was 98% of the way there.* It turns out, that is the scariest place to be.
In the end, the Psychic told me what I already knew. Yes, it was a little creepy how specific her assurances were to my personal situation, but it does not take much to find my hopes and dreams online, does it? I walked away wondering why I needed someone else to tell me all of this.
Life is funny that way. We all look outside of ourselves – to loved ones, to religion, to world leaders – to chart a path when the reality is: we already know the way.
*The last 2% cost me $45 and a lot of stifled eye-rolls from friends and family. I say it was a fair deal.